So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The adults are the big ones right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
