you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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