I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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