this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
