she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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