he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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