Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
