I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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