Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
