Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize