Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
