Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
