so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
