I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
