i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He felt like a one man threesome
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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