just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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