but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
