I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
