one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize