we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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