the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
