The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
