it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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