I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
