sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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