PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
