I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
