I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
