Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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