I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
