Swine flu. Run for my life!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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