I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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