my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
