I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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