After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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