she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
