I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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