i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
