He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
