I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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