there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
