I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
