There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.