You're completely useless in the revolution.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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