I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
