Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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