It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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