How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
