wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
