I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Soap is not a condiment
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
