I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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