like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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