it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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