Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
