yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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