I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
